On that note...

Alright so this week has been an eye opener to me. From the never ending fights and bickering with the parentals from the drama that every teenager goes through. What I've noticed about myself is that I hide behind a mask. Some people might not even notice and some people who I tell everything to know perfectly well. Insecurity is mostly one of them. I went shopping the other day and got into a huge fight with my mom blah blah blah. Boys have it easy. Sheesh growing up as a teenage girl is freakin hard. Especially that stage when you're trying to define yourself through your clothes because everyone you know judges who you are by what you wear. But what if I wanna wear preppy clothes on day, scene clothes the next, and I wear vintage the day after. What does that make me? I once was talking to a friend who thought I was a prep and I told them "Just because I dress like a girl and can't wear skinny jeans and a band t-shirt every day doesn't make me a prep. My lunchroom "cliques" (I hope I spelled that right) are defined by what we wear. If you wear black, skinny jeans, band shirts, and converse every day that puts you with that group of people. If you wear all the clothes from AE, Aero, Hollister, etc. then you're instantly put in with those people. But what happens to the people who dress in skinny jeans, band shirts, converse, but then maybe a nice shirt from Pac Sun that's not a t-shirt and flats. Where does that put me? If I'm gonna be judged by where I fit in by what I wear then really I have no place to go. I'd have to move tables every day just because I wore vintage today. So back to my insecurity point, being a girl and sitting at the table who wear converse, skinny jeans, and band shirts most of the time, I'm pressured to dress just like them. What if I don't want to? It's also hard because I have to OK everything with my mom and if she doesn't like it I can't get it which is another venting session in itself. So sometimes I have to dress in somewhat girly stuff. I guess I won't be able to get away from it until I'm out of high school. Until then I'll be trying to please all my peers and be insecure of what I wear. But somedays I just don't give crap. And somedays has turned to most days, I've gotten over the thought of everyone judging me. Go ahead and judge me. It's just clothes. And if I don't look like everyone else in the whole freakin world I really don't care. Because i don't want to I wanna be ME. Alright so my venting session is over. Have a good rest of spring break for those who read my blog. Which is probably like 1 person maybe. Goodbye! :]